Speaking of Love: Straight Talk on Waking Up

Fifteen years ago, my Nonviolent Communication (NVC) mentor Inbal Kashtan gave me a gift, one of many, that I cherish daily. It happened when a baby cried. In a room full of parents learning NVC on the path to become lay leaders, a baby let go a wail from tiny lungs that stopped all other action for a full minute. Its mother fumbled with her shirt and bra to bring the needed relief, apologizing all the while. Inbal smiled. When the baby happily latched then gulped and sucked its way into silence, Inbal spoke. "It's really fine by me," she said. "I enjoy the opportunity for self-reflection. Awhile ago, I decided to treat a baby's cry like a meditation bell that reminds me to pause and return to presence. Now, instead of being annoyed, I welcome it." This week, I expanded her lesson into my own world. Laser eye surgery several weeks ago tacked down a horseshoe tear in the retina, and a minute, jagged piece still waves like a flag within one eye. Looking ...

On my refrigerator is a list penciled on a 4" scrap of paper. It says: Relief, Ecstatic, Exuberant, Freedom, Joy ... Own it! It's a list I made a month or so ago to tack down how I'd feel in the moment I realize that my body is healed completely. I made it for clarity in "stepping into" my new self in a meditation from Dr. Joe Dispenza, and I kept it so I could walk as that new self every day. So, today I read it, and I do my thing. I stand in silence welling up those feelings inside of me. My cat yawns. My heart swells and presses the front of my rib cage. I feel it pound. There is a tickle beneath by collar bone as I inhale and let the breath out slowly. I take another breath. And then I think: I want a cookie. And this, friends, may be the biggest a-ha of my life thus far.  It takes work ... or something ... energy to conjure up these feelings out of nowhere. Out of nowhere! Yes, to hook up my internal jumper cables to the universal charge and...