Jump Start

On my refrigerator is a list penciled on a 4" scrap of paper. It says: Relief, Ecstatic, Exuberant, Freedom, Joy ... Own it! It's a list I made a month or so ago to tack down how I'd feel in the moment I realize that my body is healed completely. I made it for clarity in "stepping into" my new self in a meditation from Dr. Joe Dispenza, and I kept it so I could walk as that new self every day.

So, today I read it, and I do my thing. I stand in silence welling up those feelings inside of me. My cat yawns.

My heart swells and presses the front of my rib cage. I feel it pound. There is a tickle beneath by collar bone as I inhale and let the breath out slowly. I take another breath. And then I think: I want a cookie.

And this, friends, may be the biggest a-ha of my life thus far. 

It takes work ... or something ... energy to conjure up these feelings out of nowhere. Out of nowhere! Yes, to hook up my internal jumper cables to the universal charge and turn the key in hopes for that mighty hum of vibration to take residence under my hood. It takes energy! And today, I didn't do it in the pouring rain of a dark night of the soul. I did it in partly cloudy, mostly sunny conditions. And there it was, no less: I wanted a cookie.

There's nothing wrong with cookies, don't get me wrong. It's just that having one right now so that I can touch these feelings effortlessly, means that I use the cookie as my jumper cables. And I take whatever quality of jumper cables that cookie comes with. If it's from a sealed bag rather than a bakery, it may not even turn over the engine. (But I may still eat it, vaguely hoping.)

The real problem is much bigger and deeper, y'all. Because if I eat that cookie and I SETTLE for less than my infinite best capacity for connection (ok, so I'm not capable of harvesting all that infinite quite yet, or that's my thinking), then I take energy from the field rather than giving it. I eat the cookie, and I most likely will not glow with the same amount of energy it took to create that cookie. I might even forget where I put my jumper cables while I'm chewing, particularly since I (true story) lent them to the neighbor.

And then I see it. This is how we get old and run our batteries down. We use things and people in the universe to give us a boost. We look outside ourselves when we feel hungry, and we eat what we find, even if it's junk food. We sit on the couch and reach for the remote, willing to watch whatever is on Netflix (Orange is the New Black went down so easy, I tell ya!), even if we've seen it before. We forget how our jumper cables work, how our batteries work, how the universe works, and instead we consume.

I am opening a new blog. It's been awhile. I charge my battery creating. I charge my battery in nature. I charge my battery thinking about the heart of you, dear reader, even before you read, and I am grateful for our connection.

I aim to make a blog here about little triumphs in understanding how my soul is connected to something greater. These will be the toothbrushes, lawnmowers, and spoons of practical application in soulwork, as I see it, related to communication with myself and others. I invite your dialogue, as I have much to learn, and you -- just showing up -- are a wealth of information. 

So leave a comment, and let's get our jumper cables out. It's time to prove who's in charge.